so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
