i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
