I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
