her vagine was all disorganized.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
