i don't like sucking hair
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
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