dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
