yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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