I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
