How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize