i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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