So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
