I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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