M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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