One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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