He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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