so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
