Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
