You really coming over, don't trick.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
