Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
