YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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