Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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