It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize