Already got asked if we're dating
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
