This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
