STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize