We're facebook friends in real life
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
