we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
