I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
