Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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