Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize