i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
