All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
