would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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