I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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