for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize