I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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