I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
