I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
