I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
