is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
