I am puke
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
