Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
