I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
