Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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