Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
