So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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