i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
