Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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