The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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