Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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