Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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