Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
