when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
