This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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