I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am puke
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
