She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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