I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
