just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
