so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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