I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
