i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
