I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
