sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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