Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
