Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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