well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
