Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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